5 Games Narcissists Play to Devalue You (And Why They Work)
5 Games Narcissists Play to Devalue You (And Why They Work)
Mike Sullivan 5 Games Narcissists Play to Devalue You
Narcissistic devaluation rarely happens all at once. It is gradual, confusing, and often disguised as concern, humour, or misunderstanding. What makes it so damaging is that it doesn’t feel like outright abuse at first. Instead, it feels like something is off — and you can’t quite put your finger on it.
Narcissists rely on psychological games to reduce your confidence, destabilise your sense of reality, and shift power in their favour. These behaviours are deliberate, patterned, and designed to keep you questioning yourself rather than them.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
Here are five of the most common games narcissists play to devalue you.
1. Constant Criticism Disguised as “Help”
One of the earliest signs of devaluation is criticism that masquerades as honesty or concern. At first, it may sound subtle:
- “I’m just trying to help.”
- “You’re taking this the wrong way.”
- “I’m only being honest with you.”
Over time, this criticism becomes frequent and targeted. Your appearance, tone, choices, competence, or emotions are repeatedly questioned. Compliments disappear or become backhanded. Nothing you do feels quite good enough.
The purpose of this game is erosion. By chipping away at your self-esteem, the narcissist positions themselves as superior and you as deficient. You may start seeking their approval, adjusting your behaviour, or second-guessing yourself — all of which increase their control.
Healthy relationships allow space for growth without humiliation. Narcissistic criticism is not about improvement; it’s about dominance.
2. Gaslighting to Make You Doubt Your Reality
Gaslighting is one of the most destabilising tactics a narcissist uses. It involves denying, distorting, or minimising reality in a way that causes you to question your own memory, perception, or sanity.
You might hear:
- “That never happened.”
- “You’re imagining things.”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “You always twist things.”
Even when you clearly remember events, the narcissist insists on an alternative version. Over time, this creates confusion and self-doubt. You may start keeping mental notes, replaying conversations, or wondering if you really are the problem.
The goal of gaslighting is not disagreement — it is control. When you no longer trust your own judgement, you become easier to manipulate, apologise, and comply.
Reality becomes whatever the narcissist says it is.
3. Silence and Withdrawal as Punishment
The silent treatment is not about needing space. It is a form of emotional punishment.
When a narcissist withdraws communication, affection, or attention, it often follows:
- You setting a boundary
- You disagreeing
- You expressing hurt
- You not complying with their wishes
Instead of addressing the issue, they shut down. Messages go unanswered. Eye contact disappears. The atmosphere becomes tense and cold.
This silence creates anxiety and emotional distress. You may feel desperate to “fix” things, apologise, or smooth things over — even when you did nothing wrong.
Silence is used to reassert control. It teaches you that speaking up leads to emotional abandonment, while compliance restores connection.
4. Projection: Making You the Problem
Projection is a psychological defence where the narcissist attributes their own behaviour, traits, or intentions to you.
For example:
- They lie, but accuse you of dishonesty
- They are controlling, but call you controlling
- They lack empathy, but say you’re selfish
- They cheat or flirt, but accuse you of being unfaithful
This tactic is deeply confusing because you may start defending yourself against accusations that don’t reflect who you are. Meanwhile, the narcissist avoids accountability entirely.
Projection allows them to maintain a sense of superiority while positioning you as the flawed one. It also keeps you distracted — busy explaining yourself rather than questioning their behaviour.
In healthy dynamics, problems are addressed directly. In narcissistic dynamics, blame is redirected.
5. Idealisation Followed by Devaluation
One of the most damaging games is the idealisation–devaluation cycle.
In the beginning, you may have been:
- Admired intensely
- Praised excessively
- Made to feel special, chosen, or “different”
This phase creates emotional bonding and trust. But once attachment is established, the dynamic shifts. Praise turns into criticism. Warmth becomes indifference. Affection becomes conditional.
The contrast is jarring. You may find yourself trying to get back to the “good times,” believing you did something wrong to cause the change.
This cycle keeps you hooked. The occasional return of affection reinforces hope, even as the overall pattern becomes increasingly painful.
The truth is this: the idealisation wasn’t real love — and the devaluation isn’t your fault. Both are reflections of the narcissist’s unstable sense of self.
Why These Games Are So Effective
These tactics work because they attack your sense of self gradually. You don’t wake up one day feeling worthless — it happens over time, through repetition and emotional confusion.
You may feel:
- Anxious
- Self-doubting
- Hyper-aware of your behaviour
- Responsible for keeping the peace
None of this means you are weak. It means you were dealing with manipulation designed to destabilise you.
Breaking Free Starts With Recognition
The most powerful step in healing is recognising the pattern. Once you see these behaviours as games — not reflections of your worth — their grip weakens.
You don’t need to argue your reality.
You don’t need to earn respect.
You don’t need to explain your pain repeatedly.
Understanding these tactics helps you reclaim clarity, confidence, and emotional safety.
Devaluation only works when you believe the lies it tells you about yourself.
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw
Advertisements
Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
On Facebook.
On YouTube.
On Twitter.
On Instagram.
On Pinterest.
On LinkedIn.
On TikTok
The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.
For the free course.
Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.
All about the narcissist Online course.
Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.
