7 Gaslighting Phrases Narcissists Use (And What to Say Back)
7 Gaslighting Phrases Narcissists Use (And What to Say Back)
Mike Sullivan 7 Gaslighting Phrases Narcissists Use (And What to Say Back)
Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of emotional manipulation. It’s not simply lying—it’s an orchestrated attempt to make you question your memory, your feelings, and even your sanity. When a narcissist gaslights you, they are effectively trying to rewrite reality to suit their agenda. Over time, this can chip away at your confidence until you feel like you don’t know what’s true anymore.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
Understanding exactly how gaslighting sounds is the first step to stopping its power over you. Here are seven phrases narcissists love to use—and what you can say to reclaim your clarity.
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
This phrase is a classic way to dismiss your feelings. The narcissist hurts you—then flips the script to make you feel defective for reacting. They want you to believe your sensitivity is the problem, not their behaviour.
When someone calls you too sensitive, it’s often because they don’t want to take accountability for crossing a boundary. They rely on this phrase to make you second-guess whether your reaction is appropriate.
What to say back:
“I have a right to feel what I feel. Sensitivity isn’t weakness.”
Standing calmly in your truth disarms the tactic. You’re not overreacting; you’re simply responding to being disrespected.
2. “That never happened.”
This is one of the most brazen gaslighting tactics: complete denial. The narcissist will look you in the eye and insist that something you both experienced never occurred. This is designed to make you question your memory and start relying on their version of events instead of your own.
The more you argue, the more exhausted and confused you become—exactly what the narcissist wants.
What to say back:
“I know what I experienced. We remember this differently.”
You’re not taking their bait to debate whether you’re imagining things. You simply hold to your perception.
3. “You’re overreacting.”
Here, they minimize the impact of their words or actions. They might have insulted you, broken a promise, or said something cruel—but if you show emotion, they’ll claim your response is exaggerated.
Over time, hearing “You’re overreacting” makes you afraid to express any emotion at all. You learn to silence yourself to avoid being labeled irrational.
What to say back:
“It’s valid for me to react to something that hurt me.”
This statement reclaims your right to feel and respond without shame.
4. “You’re imagining things.”
This phrase is meant to dismantle your intuition. It implies that your instincts are flawed and that you can’t trust your own perceptions. If you suspect they’re lying, cheating, or manipulating, they’ll quickly claim you’re imagining it.
What to say back:
“This is real to me, and I won’t dismiss it.”
You are allowed to trust your gut, even if they try to convince you it’s faulty.
5. “Everyone thinks you’re crazy.”
This is a particularly cruel form of gaslighting called triangulation. They claim that unnamed others—friends, family, colleagues—agree with their assessment of you. They do this to isolate you and make you feel outnumbered and ashamed.
By presenting the illusion of consensus, they make you question your worth and sanity.
What to say back:
“If that’s true, I’d like to hear it directly from them.”
This immediately exposes the bluff. If there are no witnesses, there is no proof—only manipulation.
6. “I was just joking.”
This phrase is the narcissist’s favourite excuse after a cutting remark. They say something cruel or humiliating, then claim it was all in good fun. This tactic is designed to make you feel foolish for being hurt.
It’s not a harmless joke if it degrades you or crosses your boundaries. Repeated “jokes” at your expense are emotional abuse, not humour.
What to say back:
“It didn’t feel like a joke to me.”
This response refuses to be gaslit out of your discomfort. You are allowed to have limits around how people speak to you.
7. “You made me do this.”
Blame shifting is one of the most toxic hallmarks of narcissistic behaviour. When they say, “You made me do this,” they refuse any responsibility for their own choices. Whether it’s yelling, cheating, lying, or abandoning you, it’s somehow your fault.
This phrase is designed to guilt you into staying silent and tolerating more mistreatment.
What to say back:
“I’m not responsible for your choices.”
You are not in control of their behaviour—no matter how much they want you to believe you are.
Why Naming Gaslighting Helps You Heal
Gaslighting thrives in the dark. It gains power when you second-guess yourself, stay silent, and internalize the blame. The moment you start calmly naming what’s happening—without needing them to agree with you—is the moment you begin to break free.
You don’t have to argue to prove you’re right. You don’t have to convince them to see it your way. You only have to trust yourself.
When you learn to recognise these phrases and stand firm in your reality, you reclaim something that was never theirs to take: your clarity and your self-respect.
If you’ve been gaslit for a long time, it can feel like you’ve lost yourself. But every time you validate your own experiences, you take back a piece of your power. Healing begins when you stop outsourcing the truth to the person committed to distorting it.
Final Thoughts
Remember, gaslighting is not a misunderstanding—it’s a deliberate strategy. If you find yourself constantly feeling confused, apologising for things you didn’t do, or doubting your sanity, it’s time to step back. You deserve relationships where you are respected, heard, and valued, not manipulated into submission.
Keep learning. Keep naming the tactics. Keep trusting your intuition. That’s how you reclaim yourself—and that’s how you make sure no one ever gets to rewrite your reality again.
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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