7 Shocking Ways Narcissists Change (And How They Manipulate You Without You Noticing)
7 Shocking Ways Narcissists Change (And How They Manipulate You Without You Noticing)
Mike Sullivan 7 Ways Narcissists Change and Why
Narcissists are known for their manipulative, self-serving behaviours, and one of the most striking aspects of narcissism is the tendency to undergo constant changes in both personality and approach to relationships. These shifts can be confusing and emotionally draining for those involved with narcissists. Understanding the reasons behind these changes is crucial to navigating relationships with them, as it reveals the core motivations driving their behaviour. Below are seven ways narcissists change and the underlying reasons for these transformations:
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
1. Changing Masks
One of the most common traits of narcissists is their ability to wear different “masks” depending on the situation or who they are dealing with. Narcissists often present themselves in a highly favourable light, initially coming across as charming, supportive, and understanding. However, over time, these positive traits begin to fade as their true, more controlling, and critical personality surfaces.
The reason behind this mask-changing is that narcissists are constantly seeking to maintain power and control over those around them. In the early stages of relationships, they use their charm to draw people in, gain their trust, and win admiration. Once they feel secure in their position, they reveal their more demanding or demeaning side. This shift allows them to maintain dominance and keep others emotionally off-balance, ensuring the narcissist remains in control.
2. Shifting Blame
Narcissists are notoriously unable to take responsibility for their actions, especially when they are at fault. When they are criticised or faced with consequences for their behaviour, they will often change the narrative to shift the blame onto someone else. This tactic helps them avoid accountability while protecting their fragile self-image.
Blame-shifting serves a dual purpose: it deflects criticism and reinforces the narcissist’s self-perception as superior or victimised. Admitting fault would challenge the narcissist’s grandiose sense of self, which they are unwilling to confront. Therefore, they manipulate the situation to make others feel guilty or responsible for their wrongdoings, allowing the narcissist to preserve their inflated self-esteem.
3. Adapting Manipulation Strategies
Narcissists are experts at adapting their behaviour to suit their needs. If a particular manipulation tactic stops working or becomes less effective, they are quick to adjust and find new ways to exploit the vulnerabilities of those around them. These changes in strategy are often subtle but effective, making it difficult for others to recognise the pattern.
The underlying reason for this adaptability is that narcissists are constantly learning from their interactions with others. They pay attention to what works in controlling or influencing someone and adjust their methods accordingly. Whether it’s through gaslighting, love-bombing, or guilt-tripping, narcissists will change their approach to maintain control and keep others emotionally dependent on them.
4. Exchanging Partners
A key characteristic of narcissistic behaviour is their tendency to move from one partner to another in a cyclical pattern. Narcissists often idealise their new partners, showering them with affection and praise in the beginning stages of a relationship, a tactic known as love-bombing. However, once the partner no longer provides the validation or admiration they crave, the narcissist begins to devalue them, eventually discarding them for a new partner who can fulfil their needs.
This pattern reflects the narcissist’s insatiable need for admiration and constant validation. They view relationships as transactional and seek out partners who can offer them an endless supply of attention and praise. Once that supply runs out, they move on, leaving behind emotional devastation and confusion. Narcissists are not capable of forming deep, meaningful emotional connections because their primary focus is on self-gratification.
5. Feigning Empathy
Although true empathy is not a trait associated with narcissists, they can feign empathy when it serves their purpose. Narcissists are skilled at mimicking emotional responses to appear caring or concerned, especially when they sense it will elicit sympathy or help maintain a relationship that benefits them.
Feigning empathy allows narcissists to keep people emotionally attached, even when they have no genuine interest in the well-being of others. By pretending to care, they can manipulate situations to their advantage, using emotional vulnerability to maintain control or elicit more admiration from their partner or friends. This behaviour can be confusing for those involved with narcissists, as the narcissist’s seemingly compassionate moments contrast sharply with their otherwise self-centred and manipulative actions.
6. Revising History
Narcissists are notorious for rewriting history to suit their narrative. When confronted with the reality of their past behaviour, they will often change the facts, denying events or twisting them to paint themselves in a more favourable light. This revision of history allows them to avoid accountability and reinforces their perception as the victim.
This tactic is closely related to gaslighting, where the narcissist makes others doubt their own memories or perceptions of events. By altering the past, narcissists maintain their sense of control over the narrative and avoid facing the consequences of their actions. This behavior can be especially damaging in long-term relationships, as it creates confusion and self-doubt in the narcissist’s partner, leaving them questioning their own experiences and reality.
7. Changing Allegiances
Narcissists have little regard for loyalty or long-term relationships if they are no longer beneficial. They will often switch allegiances, dropping friends or partners for new ones who offer more admiration, status, or material benefit. This change is often sudden, with the narcissist cutting ties without explanation or justification.
The reason behind this behaviour is that narcissists view relationships through a utilitarian lens. They are not invested in the emotional bonds formed with others but are instead focused on what they can gain from each relationship. When someone no longer serves their needs or challenges their authority, the narcissist quickly shifts to a new source of validation. This constant changing of allegiances can leave former friends, colleagues, or partners feeling discarded and confused, while the narcissist continues to pursue their personal gain.
Can A Narcissist Change? Narcissistic Behaviour
The many changes narcissists undergo in their behavior stem from their deep-seated insecurities and their relentless quest for validation and control. Whether it’s shifting blame, changing partners, or adapting manipulation tactics, these transformations are all designed to maintain their sense of superiority and protect their fragile egos. Understanding these patterns of behavior can empower individuals to recognize the manipulative tactics narcissists use and protect their emotional well-being.
When dealing with a narcissist, it’s important to remember that their changes are not signs of growth or self-awareness but rather calculated shifts aimed at furthering their own agenda. Setting clear boundaries, seeking support from trusted individuals, and prioritizing self-care can help mitigate the emotional toll of being involved with a narcissist. Recognizing these behaviors for what they are will ultimately allow you to navigate relationships with narcissists more effectively and safeguard your mental health.
Check these out!
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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