7 Ways Narcissists Get Everyone Running Around After Them
7 Ways Narcissists Get Everyone Running Around After Them
Mike Sullivan 7 Ways Narcissists Get Everyone Running Around After Them
Narcissists are experts in manipulation, making people jump through hoops to cater to their needs. Their tactics are subtle and effective and often leave those around them feeling drained and confused. Narcissists know exactly how to play on emotions and vulnerabilities, pulling strings to get what they want without ever appearing to be the puppet master. Here are seven key ways narcissists manipulate others into constantly running around after them, making it difficult for people to recognise the trap they’re caught in.
Hilarious (and Horrifying) Narcissistic Memes And Their Meanings.
1. Charm and Flattery
At first glance, narcissists are often incredibly charming. They know how to make people feel special, important, and unique. They’ll shower you with compliments, tell you exactly what you want to hear, and seem like the perfect friend or partner. This charm creates a sense of obligation in others; once someone has been pulled into the narcissist’s web of flattery, they may feel compelled to maintain the narcissist’s approval.
For example, a narcissistic boss might always compliment an employee’s work, making them feel like a valued asset to the company. In reality, that charm serves to manipulate the employee into working overtime or taking on extra tasks without complaint. The initial warmth and validation from the narcissist keeps people running after that approval, always seeking to maintain that early connection. The trouble is, the charm doesn’t last forever—it’s conditional and fleeting, keeping others on a constant emotional treadmill, afraid of losing that positive attention.
2. Guilt-Tripping
Guilt is one of the narcissist’s favourite tools. They masterfully play the victim, insinuating that others have let them down or aren’t doing enough for them. A simple “I thought you cared about me” or “I guess I’ll just have to manage alone” can quickly make someone feel guilty, even when they’ve done nothing wrong. The narcissist uses this guilt to manipulate others into going out of their way to meet their demands.
Take the example of a narcissistic friend who consistently expects others to drop everything to attend to their problems. If one friend can’t help, they’ll hear something along the lines of, “I always help you when you need me, but I guess I can’t count on you.” This type of emotional blackmail is designed to make people feel guilty and rush to meet the narcissist’s needs. Over time, people may find themselves jumping at every request just to avoid the guilt trip that follows if they don’t.
3. Playing the Martyr
Narcissists love to portray themselves as martyrs, constantly sacrificing for the sake of others. They’ll exaggerate how much they do for people, making it seem like they’re always the one going above and beyond. This narrative convinces those around them that they owe something in return.
For instance, a narcissistic partner might constantly remind their significant other of all the things they’ve “done for the relationship.” The subtle message is clear: they expect something in return, and that something usually involves fulfilling their endless demands. By playing the martyr, the narcissist ensures others feel obligated to repay them, even when the “sacrifices” are exaggerated or entirely fabricated. The person on the receiving end ends up running around, trying to make up for the imagined debt they owe.
4. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation where a narcissist twists reality to make others doubt their own perceptions. Over time, this erodes a person’s sense of self-confidence, leaving them constantly second-guessing themselves. When someone is unsure of their own reality, they’re more likely to turn to the narcissist for guidance and reassurance.
In a romantic relationship, a narcissist might subtly undermine their partner by denying things they’ve said or done. For example, after an argument, they might say, “I never said that. You must be imagining things,” leaving their partner questioning their memory and sanity. As this manipulation continues, the victim becomes increasingly dependent on the narcissist’s version of events, running around trying to please them in hopes of reducing the confusion and anxiety gaslighting causes.
5. Fear of Rejection
Narcissists thrive on control, and one of the most effective ways to maintain control is through the fear of rejection. They know that most people fear losing relationships, love, or validation, and they use this fear to keep people in line. Narcissists will subtly—or not so subtly—threaten to withdraw affection, approval, or even attention if their demands aren’t met.
For instance, a narcissistic parent may say to their child, “If you don’t do what I ask, I’ll be very disappointed in you.” This creates anxiety in the child, who wants to avoid the emotional pain of rejection. The result? They bend over backwards to meet the narcissist’s expectations, even when those expectations are unreasonable. The fear of losing love, attention, or approval keeps people constantly working to satisfy the narcissist, afraid to rock the boat.
6. Triangulation
Triangulation is another manipulation technique narcissists use to get people running after them. This involves pitting people against each other or creating competition for the narcissist’s favour. By making others feel like they have to compete for attention, the narcissist keeps everyone around them constantly vying for approval.
In a workplace, a narcissistic boss might praise one employee while criticising another in front of the team. This creates a dynamic where employees feel they need to work harder and please the boss to avoid being the target of criticism. By keeping everyone off-balance and uncertain of their standing, the narcissist ensures that people are constantly trying to win their favour, running around to meet their ever-changing demands.
7. Love Bombing
Love bombing is a tactic narcissists use to hook people in emotionally. When a narcissist is trying to secure someone’s loyalty or control, they’ll shower them with affection, attention, and gifts. This sudden outpouring of love creates a sense of euphoria, making the other person feel incredibly special and valued.
However, love bombing isn’t sustainable. Once the narcissist has secured their grip, they pull back the affection, leaving the person desperate to regain it. The person, now addicted to the attention they once received, will go to great lengths to earn it back. This might mean running around, trying to please the narcissist, or putting up with increasingly toxic behaviour in hopes of experiencing that initial rush of affection again.
The cycle of love bombing and withdrawal keeps people on an emotional rollercoaster, always striving to win back the narcissist’s fleeting approval.
Breaking Free from the Narcissist’s Grasp
Living or interacting with a narcissist can feel like being trapped in an endless cycle of manipulation and control. Their ability to charm, guilt-trip, gaslight, and emotionally manipulate keeps people running around in circles, constantly seeking their approval and validation. The key to breaking free from this exhausting pattern is recognising the tactics narcissists use and setting clear boundaries.
It’s essential to remember that no matter how much you do, it will never be enough for a narcissist. They thrive on control, and the more you give, the more they take. Understanding the psychological games they play can help you regain control over your own life and emotional well-being.
Surround yourself with supportive people who can provide perspective, and consider seeking professional help if needed. Narcissists are skilled manipulators, but once you recognise their patterns, you can begin to take back your power and stop running after their approval.
Narcissists’ Secret Playbook: 7 Tactics to Make You Run After Them.
Check these out!
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Hilarious (and Horrifying) Narcissistic Memes And Their Meanings.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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