8 Ways Narcissists Ruin Special Occasions

Narcissists have a unique way of turning joyous occasions into stressful or upsetting experiences. Special events like birthdays, holidays, or family gatherings shift the focus away from them, something they find intolerable. In response, they often act out, using a variety of tactics to sabotage the event and regain control or attention. Here are eight ways narcissists ruin special occasions:

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1. Causing Arguments Before, During, or After the Event

Narcissists often pick fights around special occasions to create chaos. Before an event, they may start an argument over something trivial, causing tension and making everyone feel on edge. They may also stir up conflict during the event, pulling people into disagreements or even causing a full-blown scene. Once the event is over, they might reignite the argument, often framing themselves as the victim to deflect from their own bad behaviour.

By doing this, narcissists ensure the event is tainted, and instead of being a happy occasion, it becomes associated with conflict. This not only ruins the event but also ensures they remain at the centre of attention, even if it’s negative attention.

2. Promising to Do Something for the Event but Failing to Deliver

Narcissists are notorious for making grand promises but conveniently failing to deliver when it’s time. They may offer to help with an important part of the event, such as organising a meal, buying a gift, or arranging a venue, only to either back out at the last minute or do a poor job. This leaves others scrambling to fix the situation or pick up the slack.

Their failure to deliver on their promises can be intentional, a way to create stress for others and control the situation. By making others dependent on them and then underperforming, narcissists reassert their dominance, ensuring that the success of the event hinges on their whims.

3. Running Late and Expecting Attention Upon Arrival

Punctuality is not a narcissist’s strong suit, especially when they see an opportunity to make a grand entrance. Narcissists often show up late to events, knowing full well that their lateness will draw attention. When they finally arrive, they expect to be greeted with fanfare, as if the event should pause to acknowledge them.

This behaviour is designed to refocus the event on them and disrupt the flow of the occasion. While everyone else may be enjoying the event, the narcissist ensures that their arrival shifts the energy, making them the centre of attention once again.

4. Promising to Come but Not Showing Up at All

Another common tactic is to promise attendance but fail to show up. Narcissists will often confirm plans and lead people to believe they’ll be at a special occasion, only to flake at the last minute or not show up at all without any explanation. This tactic leaves the hosts feeling confused, hurt, and disappointed, often with unanswered calls or messages.

This no-show behaviour is a way for the narcissist to assert control and signal that their presence is so important that it can make or break the event. It leaves a void that forces others to question what went wrong and focus on them, even in their absence.

5. Stealing from the Event

Narcissists may go as far as to steal from an event, whether it’s taking the spotlight, material possessions, or credit for something they didn’t do. For instance, they might take credit for planning or organising parts of the event that they had no involvement in, diminishing the efforts of those who actually contributed.

In more extreme cases, they may even steal gifts, money, or items from the event, showing a total disregard for others. This is not about financial gain but about control and superiority. By taking what doesn’t belong to them, the narcissist reinforces their sense of entitlement and undermines the event’s purpose.

6. Creating a Scene

Creating a scene is another classic move narcissists use to disrupt special occasions. Whether it’s picking a fight with a family member, making an inappropriate remark, or even having an emotional meltdown, the narcissist ensures that all eyes are on them. They feed off the drama and chaos, as it shifts the focus from the event to their behavior.

Often, this tactic works because people around the narcissist are eager to maintain peace and avoid further escalation. As a result, others end up soothing the narcissist or catering to their emotional outbursts, which ultimately diverts attention away from the event itself.

7. Dismissing, Belittling, and Shaming Others

A narcissist will often dismiss or belittle others during a special event, especially if they feel threatened by someone else receiving attention. They might make condescending remarks, subtly insult others, or openly shame them in front of guests. This tactic is designed to bring down others while making themselves appear superior.

For instance, they might criticise someone’s appearance, undermine their achievements, or mock their contributions to the event. This type of behaviour is meant to humiliate others and ensure that no one else shines brighter than them. It also creates tension and discomfort, further guaranteeing the narcissist stays in control.

8. Becoming the Life of the Party to Impress Strangers

At social gatherings, narcissists often try to position themselves as the life of the party. They use charm, humour, and exaggerated stories to win over strangers, impressing new acquaintances while neglecting or dismissing the people closest to them. By overtaking the event, they ensure that they are the centre of attention, even if it means monopolising conversations or diverting focus away from the occasion itself.

While this might seem harmless at first, it is often part of a larger pattern. Narcissists crave admiration and validation, especially from people they don’t know well. This behaviour serves to feed their ego while subtly undermining the event, as the celebration or purpose of the gathering becomes secondary to their need for attention.

Narcissists ruin special occasions through a variety of manipulative tactics, all designed to ensure they remain the focus. Whether it’s causing arguments, arriving late, or stealing attention, their behaviour consistently undermines the joy of the event. While their actions may seem unpredictable, they are rooted in a deep need for control and admiration.

Understanding these behaviours can help you better manage your expectations and protect your emotional well-being when dealing with a narcissist. Setting firm boundaries, maintaining a sense of detachment, and focusing on the positive aspects of the event can help minimise the impact of their disruptive behaviour. Ultimately, by recognising these tactics, you can regain control of your special moments and prevent a narcissist from spoiling your celebrations.

Check these out!

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Hilarious (and Horrifying) Narcissistic Memes And Their Meanings.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

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Why Narcissists Ruin Special Occasions