9 Frustrating Behaviours of a Narcissist (And How to Protect Yourself)
9 Frustrating Behaviours of a Narcissist (And How to Protect Yourself)
Mike Sullivan 9 Frustrating Behaviours of a Narcissist (And How to Handle Them)
Dealing with a narcissist can feel like being caught in an emotional storm—confusing, exhausting, and entirely unpredictable. Their behaviours often defy logic, leaving you second-guessing yourself while they continue their cycle of manipulation. If you have ever found yourself frustrated by their actions but unable to pinpoint exactly why, understanding these common behaviours can help.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
1. Ruining Special Occasions
One of the most frustrating traits of a narcissist is their ability to turn joyous occasions into chaos. Birthdays, anniversaries, holidays—moments meant to be celebrated—are often overshadowed by their need for attention. They might sulk, pick a fight, or create drama, ensuring that all eyes are on them instead of the person being celebrated. The goal? To remind everyone that their emotions take priority over the happiness of others.
If you’ve ever been on the receiving end of this, you may have found yourself dreading events you once enjoyed. Recognising this pattern allows you to prepare emotionally, set boundaries, and refuse to let them dictate the mood of your special day.
2. Dry Begging
Narcissists rarely ask for things directly. Instead, they engage in a form of manipulation known as “dry begging.” This passive-aggressive behaviour involves making indirect comments to guilt others into offering help. Phrases like “It’d be nice if someone could do this for me” or “I suppose I’ll just struggle through on my own” are designed to make you feel obligated to step in.
They don’t just want help—they want to exert control. If you don’t respond, they act hurt or offended, making you the villain. Over time, this conditioning teaches you to anticipate their needs before they even say a word. But you are not responsible for catering to their every whim. Learning to resist their guilt tactics and allowing them to take responsibility for their own needs is key.
3. Secrecy and Misinformation
Narcissists thrive on control, and one of their biggest weapons is secrecy. They selectively share information, withholding important details to keep you in the dark. This might include not telling you about significant events, lying about their whereabouts, or changing the narrative to fit their agenda.
This behaviour erodes trust. You may feel like you never have the full picture, yet when you ask questions, they become defensive or evasive. Their secrecy keeps you off balance, ensuring they maintain power in the relationship. The only way to counteract this is to trust your instincts and observe their patterns rather than relying on their words.
4. Playing the Victim
No matter what happens, a narcissist will always find a way to position themselves as the victim. Even when they have clearly done wrong, they will twist the situation to make it seem like they are the ones suffering.
This manipulation tactic serves multiple purposes. Firstly, it shifts attention away from their wrongdoing. Secondly, it encourages others to feel sorry for them, making them less likely to hold them accountable. Lastly, it allows them to avoid responsibility, portraying themselves as the innocent party.
Recognising this behaviour is crucial. When someone constantly paints themselves as the victim while refusing to acknowledge their own actions, it’s a red flag. You are not responsible for their self-inflicted misery, and refusing to play into their narrative is an essential step in breaking free from their manipulation.
5. Backhanded Compliments
Narcissists excel at delivering insults wrapped in compliments. These statements are designed to undermine your confidence while allowing them to maintain plausible deniability. For example:
- “You actually look really nice today—for once.”
- “I’m surprised you managed to do that. I wouldn’t have thought you could.”
- “You’re lucky to have me. Most people wouldn’t put up with you.”
Each of these statements is meant to chip away at your self-esteem. Over time, they create self-doubt, making you more susceptible to their control. The best way to respond is to recognise these comments for what they are and not engage in defending yourself. Their opinion does not define you.
6. Lack of Empathy
Empathy is what allows people to connect and support each other emotionally. Narcissists, however, lack genuine empathy. They struggle to care about the feelings of others unless doing so serves their interests.
If you are experiencing a difficult time, rather than offering comfort, they may dismiss your emotions or shift the conversation back to themselves. Their lack of empathy can be especially damaging in close relationships, where emotional support is expected.
Recognising their inability to provide real emotional care can help you stop seeking validation from them. Instead, focus on surrounding yourself with people who genuinely care about your wellbeing.
7. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is one of the most insidious forms of manipulation used by narcissists. It involves distorting reality to make you doubt your own perceptions. Common gaslighting phrases include:
- “That never happened.”
- “You’re imagining things.”
- “You’re too sensitive.”
- “You always twist things around.”
These statements are designed to make you question your own memory and judgment, leaving you dependent on the narcissist to define reality. This can be incredibly damaging to self-confidence.
To counteract gaslighting, keep a written record of events or confide in trusted friends who can confirm what actually happened. The more you trust your own perception, the less power they have over you.
8. Blame Shifting
Nothing is ever a narcissist’s fault. If something goes wrong, they will immediately deflect responsibility onto someone else. If they hurt you, it’s because you “made them do it.” If they fail at something, it’s because someone “sabotaged” them.
This constant blame-shifting prevents them from ever having to face the consequences of their actions. It also leaves those around them walking on eggshells, trying to avoid being the next scapegoat.
Recognising this behaviour for what it is helps you step back and refuse to take on blame that isn’t yours. You are not responsible for their actions, and refusing to accept misplaced guilt is an important part of maintaining your mental well-being.
9. Entitlement
Narcissists believe they deserve special treatment without earning it. They expect others to cater to their needs, accommodate their demands, and prioritise their feelings above all else. If they don’t get what they want, they may sulk, lash out, or use manipulation to regain control.
Their sense of entitlement extends to relationships, careers, and social interactions. They may take credit for work they didn’t do, demand favours without returning them, or expect loyalty while showing none in return.
Setting boundaries is the only way to manage their entitled behaviour. Saying “no” without guilt and refusing to play by their rules helps you reclaim your own sense of autonomy.
Breaking Free from the Cycle
Recognising these nine frustrating behaviours is the first step in protecting yourself from a narcissist’s manipulation. Their tactics are designed to confuse, control, and exhaust you, but once you understand their patterns, you can begin to detach emotionally.
Setting firm boundaries, refusing to engage in their drama, and prioritising your mental well-being are key strategies in dealing with a narcissist. You may never change their behaviour, but you can take control of how you respond to it.
The most powerful thing you can do is step back and stop playing their game. You are not responsible for fixing them, managing their emotions, or constantly proving yourself. Once you realise this, you can begin to break free from their hold and reclaim your peace.
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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