15 Mind Games Narcissists Play When They Lose Control (And How to Spot Them)

15 Mind Games Narcissists Play When They Lose Control: Spot the Tactics and Protect Yourself

Narcissists thrive on control, and when they start to lose it, they employ manipulative mind games to regain their grip on you. These tactics are designed to confuse, control, and keep you entangled in their web. Here are 15 common mind games narcissists use when they feel their control slipping:

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

1. Love Bombing

When they sense you pulling away, a narcissist may resort to love bombing—showering you with compliments, gifts, and affection. It’s a manipulation tactic designed to overwhelm you with attention and make you question your decision to distance yourself. You might find yourself thinking, “Maybe they really have changed this time,” but it’s only temporary to get you back under their control.

2. Playing Nice

Suddenly, they become the perfect partner, parent or friend, acting as though they’ve turned over a new leaf. They’ll go out of their way to be kind, helpful, and considerate, luring you back into a false sense of security. This switch can make you doubt your previous experiences of their toxic behaviour, leaving you vulnerable to their manipulation once again.

3. False Apology

A narcissist’s apology isn’t sincere. Instead, it’s a tool to reel you back in. They might say, “I’m sorry you felt that way,” which shifts the blame onto you and absolves them of wrongdoing. These apologies lack accountability and are simply a tactic to reset the narrative and make you question your grievances.

4. False Promises of Change

When they feel their control slipping, narcissists will promise to change. They might say things like, “I’ve realised what I did wrong,” or “I’m going to get help.” While it sounds promising, these statements are usually empty. It’s a tactic to buy time and make you hopeful for a better future, keeping you hooked on the possibility of change that never comes.

5. Hoovering

Named after the vacuum cleaner, hoovering is when a narcissist tries to suck you back into the relationship after a period of distance. They might reach out with nostalgic messages or claims of missing you, trying to evoke the good times and make you forget the bad. It’s all part of their plan to regain control.

6. Playing the Victim

A narcissist will often flip the script and make themselves the victim. They might claim that you’ve hurt them deeply or that they’re the ones suffering. This tactic is meant to elicit sympathy from you, making you feel guilty and shifting the focus away from their behaviour. It’s a classic manipulation technique to make you question your actions and decisions.

7. Guilt-Tripping

Narcissists are experts at making you feel guilty. They might say things like, “After everything I’ve done for you, this is how you treat me?” The goal is to make you feel indebted to them and force you into compliance. It’s a psychological trick to keep you from leaving or setting boundaries.

8. Instilling Fear

When losing control, a narcissist may resort to instilling fear. They could threaten to harm themselves, spread rumours about you, or even take legal action. This tactic is meant to scare you into staying or backing down from standing up for yourself. They want you to feel too intimidated to leave or challenge them.

9. False Allegations

In an attempt to discredit you, narcissists might make false allegations. They could accuse you of cheating, lying, or even abusing them. This is a calculated move to damage your reputation and shift the blame away from their own behaviour. It’s all part of their plan to play the victim and make others see you as the problem.

10. Intimidation

Narcissists often use intimidation as a way to regain control. They may raise their voice, invade your personal space, or give you cold, menacing looks. The goal is to make you feel scared and unsure, forcing you to back down. It’s a classic bullying tactic that can leave you feeling powerless.

11. Stalking and Monitoring

When their control starts to wane, some narcissists resort to stalking. They might track your movements, monitor your social media, or even show up uninvited. This behaviour is a desperate attempt to keep tabs on you and maintain a semblance of control. It’s invasive and unsettling, leaving you constantly on edge.

12. Allying with Your Friends and Family

Narcissists will often try to turn your friends and family against you. They may reach out to them, playing the victim and spreading lies about you. By doing this, they aim to isolate you from your support system and gain allies in their corner. It’s a strategic move to make you feel alone and unsupported.

13. Moving on Quickly

If a narcissist feels they can no longer control you, they might move on to someone new almost instantly. This isn’t because they’ve found someone better; it’s a tactic to make you feel replaced and unimportant. By flaunting their new relationship, they aim to provoke jealousy and make you regret leaving them.

14. Provoking a Reaction

One of the narcissist’s favourite games is to provoke you into reacting. They might say hurtful things, bring up sensitive topics, or intentionally push your buttons. When you react, they use your response to paint you as the irrational one, justifying their behaviour and turning the situation against you.

15. Smear Campaign

When all else fails, a narcissist will launch a smear campaign against you. They spread lies, rumours, and twisted stories to tarnish your reputation. The goal is to discredit you, make you look like the bad guy, and paint themselves as the victim. It’s a last-ditch effort to regain control by damaging your credibility.

15 Mind Games Narcissists Play When Losing Control: How to Spot the Manipulation Tactics.

How to Protect Yourself from Narcissistic Mind Games

Understanding these tactics is the first step in protecting yourself. Recognise when a narcissist is playing these games and maintain your boundaries. Remember, you don’t owe them any explanations or justifications for your decisions. Stand firm in your truth, and don’t engage in their manipulative tactics. The less you react, the less power they have over you.

In the end, narcissists play these mind games because they thrive on control and manipulation. When they sense that grip loosening, they’ll pull out all the stops to get you back under their thumb. By recognising these tactics and refusing to play along, you reclaim your power and protect your emotional well-being. Remember, you’re not alone in this struggle, and there are resources and support systems available to help you navigate these toxic dynamics.

Check these out! 

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

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