7 Things Narcissists Do After the Discard: Protect Yourself from Manipulation
7 Things Narcissists Do After the Discard: Protect Yourself from Manipulation
Mike Sullivan What Narcissists Do After the Discard: 7 Common Tactics to Watch For
The end of a relationship with a narcissist is rarely a clean break. Even after discarding someone, narcissists often continue to manipulate and control their former partner to protect their fragile ego, maintain their image, or secure new sources of admiration. Understanding the behaviours narcissists commonly engage in after a discard is essential for recognising their tactics and safeguarding your emotional well-being.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
Here are seven manipulative behaviours narcissists often exhibit after a discard.
1. Hoovering: Sucking You Back In
Named after the vacuum cleaner brand, hoovering describes a narcissist’s attempt to “suck” their victim back into the relationship. This can happen weeks, months, or even years after the initial discard.
Narcissists may use charm, false apologies, or promises of change to regain control, especially if they sense their former partner is moving on or thriving without them. They might say things like, “I’ve realised how much I love you,” or, “I’ve changed; let’s start fresh.” These gestures are not genuine; they are calculated attempts to re-establish dominance.
How to protect yourself:
Recognise hoovering for what it is—a manipulation tactic. Block their number, limit contact, and avoid engaging in their attempts to reconnect.
2. Smear Campaigns: Protecting Their Image
Narcissists are deeply invested in maintaining their reputation. After a discard, they often launch smear campaigns against their former partner to shift blame and protect their image. They may spread lies, exaggerations, or half-truths, portraying themselves as the victim and their ex-partner as the abuser.
This tactic serves two purposes: to garner sympathy from others and to isolate their former partner by damaging their credibility. Mutual friends, family members, or colleagues may be drawn into the narcissist’s narrative, leaving the victim feeling alienated.
How to protect yourself:
Avoid defending yourself to everyone who hears the smear campaign. Instead, focus on maintaining your integrity and letting your actions speak louder than their words. Trusted individuals will see through the lies over time.
3. Securing New Supply: Replacing You Quickly
Narcissists rarely discard someone without having a new source of admiration, or “supply,” lined up. This new person may have been in the picture before the discard even occurred. Narcissists thrive on external validation, and moving on quickly allows them to maintain their inflated sense of self-worth.
They often flaunt their new relationship on social media or in social circles to provoke jealousy or hurt in their former partner. This tactic reinforces their belief that they are desirable and in control.
How to protect yourself:
Resist the urge to compare yourself to their new partner or engage in their games. Remember, the new supply is likely being subjected to the same manipulation tactics you experienced.
4. Playing the Victim: Shifting the Blame
Narcissists are skilled at twisting narratives to present themselves as the victim. After a discard, they often frame the breakup as their attempt to “escape” mistreatment or toxicity, conveniently ignoring their own abusive behaviours.
This tactic allows them to deflect accountability while garnering sympathy from others. It also serves to confuse their former partner, making them question their own actions and role in the relationship’s breakdown.
How to protect yourself:
Remind yourself of the reality of the relationship and avoid falling into the trap of self-blame. Journaling or speaking with a trusted therapist can help you stay grounded in the truth.
5. Monitoring or Stalking: Keeping Tabs on You
Even after discarding someone, narcissists often struggle to relinquish control. They may monitor their former partner’s social media, ask mutual acquaintances for updates, or even show up unannounced. This behaviour is not rooted in care or concern but in a desire to assert dominance and maintain a sense of control.
In extreme cases, this monitoring can escalate to stalking, which may involve invasive or threatening behaviour.
How to protect yourself:
Set firm boundaries and document any instances of harassment. If their behaviour becomes intrusive or threatening, consider seeking legal advice or involving the authorities.
6. Triangulation: Creating Emotional Turmoil
Triangulation is a classic narcissistic tactic where they involve third parties to maintain power and control. After a discard, they may compare their former partner to their new supply, speak negatively about their ex to mutual acquaintances, or use others to relay messages.
This tactic keeps the victim emotionally hooked, as they are drawn into a web of jealousy, competition, and confusion. It also allows the narcissist to manipulate multiple people simultaneously, reinforcing their sense of superiority.
How to protect yourself:
Refuse to engage in comparisons or drama. Limit interactions with mutual acquaintances who enable the narcissist’s behaviour, and focus on rebuilding your sense of self-worth.
7. Sabotaging the Victim: Destabilising Your Life
Out of spite or a desire to maintain dominance, narcissists may interfere with their former partner’s life even after the discard. This could involve sabotaging relationships, spreading rumours, interfering with career opportunities, or creating legal or financial difficulties.
These actions are designed to keep the victim destabilised, ensuring they remain dependent on the narcissist or too distracted to move on.
How to protect yourself:
Document instances of sabotage and seek professional support if needed. Whether it’s legal advice, therapy, or career counselling, having a support system in place can help you rebuild and move forward. https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw
Why Narcissists Continue to Manipulate After the Discard
Narcissists are driven by a need for control, admiration, and validation. Even after discarding someone, they often struggle to let go completely because their sense of self is so fragile. Manipulating their former partner allows them to maintain a sense of power and distracts them from their own insecurities.
For the victim, this ongoing manipulation can be emotionally draining and confusing. Recognising these tactics is the first step towards breaking free and reclaiming your independence.
Moving Forward: Reclaiming Your Power
Healing after a relationship with a narcissist takes time, but it is possible. Here are some steps to help you move forward:
- Set Boundaries: Limit or eliminate contact with the narcissist. Use grey-rocking techniques if contact is unavoidable.
- Seek Support: Surround yourself with trusted friends, family, or a therapist who can provide validation and guidance.
https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw - Focus on Self-Care: Prioritise activities that nurture your physical, emotional, and mental well-being.
- Educate Yourself: Understanding narcissistic behaviours can help you make sense of your experiences and avoid falling into similar patterns in the future.
Remember, the narcissist’s behaviour is a reflection of their own insecurities, not your worth. By recognising their tactics and taking proactive steps to protect yourself, you can break free from their control and begin to rebuild your life on your own terms.
7 Things Narcissists Do After the Discard: Manipulative Tactics Explained
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
(Sponsored.). https://betterhelp.com/elizabethshaw
Advertisements
Click on the links below to join Elizabeth Shaw – Life Coach, on social media for more information on Overcoming Narcissistic Abuse.
On Facebook.
On YouTube.
On Twitter.
On Instagram.
On Pinterest.
On LinkedIn.
On TikTok
The online courses are available by Elizabeth Shaw.
For the full course.
Click here to sign up for the full, Break Free From Narcissistic Abuse, with a link in the course to a free, hidden online support group with fellow survivors.
For the free course.
Click here to sign up for the free online starter course.
To help with overcoming the trauma bond and anxiety course.
Click here for the online course to help you break the trauma bond, and those anxiety triggers.
All about the narcissist Online course.
Click here to learn more about the narcissist personality disorder.
The narcissists counter-parenting.
Click here for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse, and information on co-parenting with a narcissist.
Elizabeth Shaw is not a Doctor or a therapist. She is a mother of five, a blogger, a survivor of narcissistic abuse, and a life coach, She always recommends you get the support you feel comfortable and happy with. Finding the right support for you. Elizabeth has partnered with BetterHelp (Sponsored.) where you will be matched with a licensed councillor, who specialises in recovery from this kind of abuse.
Click here for Elizabeth Shaw’s Recommended reading list for more information on recovery from narcissistic abuse.
