How Narcissists Downgrade Partners, Friends, Children, and Parents: 7 Manipulative Tactics

How Narcissists Downgrade Their Children, Friends, Parents, and Partners
Narcissists thrive on control, manipulation, and power. They don’t see relationships as connections built on love or respect but as opportunities to serve their own needs. Whether it’s their children, friends, parents, or partners, narcissists have a unique way of downgrading people in their lives. They may no longer value someone as they once did, but they’ll still ensure that no one else can have them either.

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

This article explores how narcissists downgrade those around them and the toxic tactics they use to maintain control.

What Does “Downgrading” Mean in Narcissistic Relationships?

When a narcissist downgrades someone, it means they no longer see that person as a priority or a source of admiration. However, instead of letting them go, they use manipulative strategies to keep them tied to the relationship. It’s not about love or attachment—it’s about power and control. Narcissists ensure that even if they’ve emotionally discarded you, you remain available for their needs and can’t fully move on.

Why Narcissists Downgrade People in Their Lives

Narcissists downgrade people for several reasons:

Loss of Supply: Once someone stops feeding the narcissist’s ego or starts setting boundaries, they lose their value.
Control: Downgrading allows the narcissist to maintain dominance without investing energy into the relationship.
New Targets: They often move on to new sources of attention and admiration, leaving the old ones in a downgraded role.
Fear of Abandonment: Narcissists don’t want to lose control entirely, so they keep people hooked even after devaluing them.

How Narcissists Downgrade Their Partners

When a narcissist downgrades their romantic partner, they often shift from idealisation to devaluation. Here’s how they do it:

1. Intermittent Reinforcement

One day they’re cold and distant, the next they’re overly affectionate. This inconsistency keeps their partner confused and craving the “good moments.”

2. Breadcrumbing

They’ll offer small gestures of affection or attention to keep their partner emotionally invested, even while pursuing new relationships.

3. Triangulation

The narcissist may compare their partner to someone else, like a new romantic interest or an ex, to make them feel inferior and compete for their attention.

4. Future Faking

They’ll promise to “work on the relationship” or suggest plans for the future, only to never follow through.

5. Guilt-Tripping

If their partner tries to leave, they’ll use guilt, saying things like, “I’ve done so much for you,” or “You’re giving up on us.”

How Narcissists Downgrade Their Children

Narcissists often treat their children as extensions of themselves rather than individuals. When a child no longer serves their purpose, they may:

1. Play Favourites

They’ll pit siblings against each other, favouring one while devaluing the other to create competition and maintain control.

2. Criticism Disguised as “Tough Love”

They’ll constantly criticise their child’s achievements or appearance, undermining their confidence under the guise of “helping them improve.”

3. Gaslighting

A narcissistic parent may deny their hurtful actions or words, making the child question their own reality and feelings.

4. Emotional Neglect

Once a child no longer provides admiration or serves their image, the narcissist may withdraw affection and attention entirely.

How Narcissists Downgrade Their Friends

Friendships with narcissists are often transactional. Once a friend no longer serves their purpose, they’ll be downgraded to an afterthought.

1. Withholding Attention

They’ll stop responding to messages or invitations, making their friend feel unimportant.

2. Using Friends as Backups

Narcissists may only reach out when they need something, like emotional support or a favour, but disappear when it’s the other way around.

3. Public Humiliation

To maintain dominance, they might make demeaning jokes or comments about their friend in social settings.

4. Smear Campaigns

If the friend tries to distance themselves, the narcissist may spread lies or exaggerations to damage their reputation.

How Narcissists Downgrade Their Parents

Even parents aren’t immune to a narcissist’s manipulative tactics. Here’s how they might treat their parents when they’re no longer useful:

1. Emotional Blackmail

They’ll guilt their parents into giving them money, attention, or favours, often with manipulative phrases like, “You owe me,” or “You’re a bad parent if you don’t help me.”

2. Withholding Contact

They may cut off communication as punishment, only reconnecting when they need something.

3. Blame-Shifting

A narcissist will blame their parents for their failures, painting themselves as the victim to avoid accountability.

4. Exploitation

They may exploit their parents’ resources, such as money or housing, while offering little in return.

The Common Thread: “Don’t Want You, But Don’t Want Anyone Else to Have You”

At the core of a narcissist’s behaviour is a need for control. Even when they’ve downgraded someone, they don’t want to lose their influence over them. This is why they use tactics like:

Hoovering: Drawing someone back in after they’ve tried to leave.
Smear Campaigns: Damaging someone’s reputation to isolate them.
Love Bombing (Revisited): Temporarily showering someone with attention to keep them hooked.

These behaviours ensure that even if the narcissist no longer values someone, they remain under their control.

How to Break Free from a Narcissist’s Downgrade

Recognising the narcissist’s tactics is the first step toward regaining control of your life. Here are some tips:

Set Boundaries: Limit or cut off contact if possible.
Focus on Self-Worth: Remind yourself that their devaluation says more about them than it does about you.
Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist who understands narcissistic abuse.
Document Everything: If the narcissist is a co-parent or family member, keep records of their behaviour for your protection.

How Narcissists Keep You Hooked as Their Side Piece After The Discard: Manipulative Tactics

Narcissists downgrade people in their lives not because they’ve found someone better, but because they’ve lost interest or control. Whether it’s a partner, child, friend, or parent, the pattern remains the same: manipulation, devaluation, and control. Recognising these behaviours is crucial for breaking free and reclaiming your self-worth.

By understanding their tactics and prioritising your own mental health, you can escape the toxic cycle and move toward healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

Check these out!

Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist

15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.

A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.

Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.

Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future

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