The Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys: 7 Key Things You Need to Know
The Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys: 7 Key Things You Need to Know
Mike Sullivan The Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys: 7 Things You Need to Know
If you’ve ever dealt with a narcissist, you’ll know they rarely act alone. Behind the charm and calculated manipulation is often a circle of people doing their bidding — knowingly or not. These enablers are called flying monkeys, a term borrowed from The Wizard of Oz, where the wicked witch sends her winged minions to do her dirty work.
In real life, flying monkeys are the narcissist’s messengers, defenders, and enforcers. They guilt-trip you into staying quiet, pressure you to forgive, or actively smear your name — all while the narcissist keeps their hands clean. Sometimes these people are manipulated into helping. Other times, they’re just as toxic as the narcissist themselves. Either way, their involvement is deeply damaging.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
Here are seven things you need to understand about flying monkeys — and why recognising them is key to protecting your peace.
1. Many Don’t Realise They’re Being Used
Not every flying monkey is malicious. In fact, one of the most insidious things about narcissistic abuse is how convincing the narcissist can be. They present themselves as the victim — calm, rational, and wronged. You, on the other hand, are portrayed as unstable, difficult, or cruel.
The flying monkey buys into this false narrative and jumps in to “help”. They may tell you to make amends, suggest you’re being dramatic, or relay messages on behalf of the narcissist. What they fail to see is that they’re helping to continue the abuse — and you’re the one being harmed. Their misguided loyalty enables the narcissist to carry on, unchecked and unchallenged.
2. They Spread the Narcissist’s Lies
Once a narcissist has secured a flying monkey’s support, they often use them as a mouthpiece. These people repeat twisted versions of events, slander your character, and undermine your credibility. The narcissist doesn’t have to say a word — their monkeys do it for them.
You might be accused of things you never said or did. Your actions get exaggerated, your words misquoted, and your reactions used as “proof” that the narcissist was right all along. It’s not just a smear campaign — it’s character assassination, cleverly executed through people who believe they’re just passing along “concern”.
3. They’re Often the People Closest to You
One of the hardest parts of dealing with flying monkeys is realising they’re often people you love. Narcissists don’t pick strangers to do their bidding. They pick the people closest to you — your family, your friends, even your children in some cases.
It’s deliberate. The narcissist knows that betrayal cuts deeper when it comes from someone you trust. They manipulate these people by playing the victim or twisting half-truths until they see you through the narcissist’s lens. Suddenly, the people you’d turn to for support are questioning you, criticising you, or siding with your abuser.
4. They Add a Second Layer of Abuse
The narcissist’s abuse is painful enough — the gaslighting, the control, the emotional chaos. But when flying monkeys get involved, the abuse becomes layered. Now it’s not just the narcissist hurting you. It’s people you care about echoing their words, dismissing your pain, and making you feel like the problem.
This secondary betrayal can be more traumatic than the narcissist’s actions. It creates confusion, self-doubt, and a deep sense of isolation. Suddenly, you’re not just dealing with one toxic person — you’re dealing with a whole network of enablers, each reinforcing the lie that you’re to blame.
5. They Keep the Narcissist’s Agenda Alive
Even when the narcissist appears to have backed off, flying monkeys often carry on the campaign. They may guilt-trip you into contacting the narcissist, suggest you’re overreacting, or continue spreading gossip and judgement.
This allows the narcissist to remain in control from a distance. They don’t need to reach out — their monkeys do it for them. Whether it’s a cousin sending you a guilt-laced message or a mutual friend saying you’re “too sensitive,” the result is the same: the pressure stays on, and your healing gets disrupted.
6. Some Flying Monkeys Are Narcissists Too
Not every flying monkey is innocent. Some actively enjoy the drama and division. These individuals may have narcissistic traits themselves — they seek attention, take pleasure in conflict, and thrive on the power of being “in the middle”.
They’ll pretend to be neutral while stirring the pot. They’ll play both sides, pass on private conversations, or encourage chaos under the guise of “helping”. These people aren’t manipulated — they’re co-conspirators. And they’re just as dangerous as the narcissist who recruited them.
7. You’re Allowed to Walk Away
Perhaps the most important thing to remember: you don’t owe flying monkeys anything. Not explanations. Not loyalty. Not access to your life. It doesn’t matter how long you’ve known them or what role they play in your family — if they’re supporting your abuser, they’re not safe.
Walking away isn’t cold or cruel. It’s self-respect. It’s choosing peace over dysfunction. Flying monkeys will try to make you feel guilty, selfish, or unkind for setting boundaries. Don’t listen. You are not responsible for other people’s denial, manipulation, or lack of insight.
Final Words
Flying monkeys are not just annoying bystanders — they’re part of the narcissist’s power structure. Whether they mean to or not, they serve a purpose: to wear you down, to silence you, and to keep the narcissist’s version of events alive.
By recognising their tactics, understanding their role, and setting firm boundaries, you weaken the narcissist’s hold over your life. You don’t need to convince flying monkeys of the truth — you just need to protect yourself from their damage.
Choose peace. Choose clarity. Choose freedom from the circus.
Check these out!
The Narcissist’s Flying Monkeys: 7 Things You Need to Know
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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