How Narcissists React to Being Called Out: 7 Manipulative Tactics They Use to Avoid Accountability
How Narcissists React to Being Called Out: 7 Manipulative Tactics They Use to Avoid Accountability
Mike Sullivan How Narcissists React to Being Called Out: 7 Key Responses
Calling out a narcissist is not a straightforward act. It doesn’t lead to calm reflection or a heartfelt apology. Instead, it sets off a storm of defensiveness, deflection, and manipulation. When you confront a narcissist, you’re not engaging with someone who values truth or accountability. You’re challenging their fragile ego, and their response will almost always be an attempt to protect their false self at all costs. Here are seven common ways narcissists react when they’re called out.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
1. Denial – “That never happened”
When a narcissist is confronted, denial is usually their first weapon. They will look you straight in the eye and tell you that what you’re saying is simply untrue. You may bring up a lie they told, something they said in anger, or a pattern of behaviour they’ve repeated for years. But instead of acknowledging it, they’ll shut you down with:
“You’re imagining things.”
“That’s not what happened.”
“You’re twisting everything.”
This response is calculated. It’s not just about avoiding the issue—it’s about making you question your own memory. Over time, this can lead to you doubting yourself so much that you stop speaking up altogether.
2. Gaslighting – Undermining your reality
Gaslighting is a classic narcissistic tactic. Once denial is in place, gaslighting ramps things up a notch. The narcissist doesn’t just claim something didn’t happen—they begin to imply that there’s something wrong with you for even bringing it up.
“You’re overreacting.”
“You’re always so dramatic.”
“You take everything the wrong way.”
The goal here is psychological. By planting seeds of self-doubt, they shift the focus away from what they’ve done and onto your reaction. You become the problem. Not their lie, not their cruelty—just your response to it.
3. Projection – Accusing you of what they’ve done
Narcissists often accuse others of the very things they’re guilty of themselves. This is known as projection. If they’ve been dishonest, they’ll accuse you of hiding things. If they’re being selfish, they’ll call you self-absorbed. If they’re cheating, they’ll start questioning your loyalty.
It’s disorienting. Suddenly, instead of talking about their behaviour, you’re defending yourself. And that’s exactly what they want. By keeping you on the back foot, they maintain control.
4. Blame Shifting – “You made me do it”
When denial and projection start to crumble under evidence, narcissists will move to blame-shifting. They’ll admit to what they did—but only under the condition that it was your fault.
“I only said that because you wouldn’t stop nagging me.”
“If you weren’t so cold, I wouldn’t have looked elsewhere.”
“You push me to this every time.”
It’s never a genuine apology. It’s a justification. This keeps the narcissist in the role of the victim, and you in the role of the one who provokes their bad behaviour.
5. Playing the Victim – “After everything I’ve done for you?”
When all else fails, narcissists often reach for sympathy. You call them out on something real and painful—and suddenly, they’re the one crying. They remind you of how much they’ve sacrificed, how much they’ve done, how ungrateful you are.
“You’re attacking me after everything I’ve done for you?”
“I bend over backwards and this is what I get?”
This is emotional blackmail. It’s designed to make you feel guilty for even raising the issue. And if you’re empathetic by nature, it often works.
6. Rage or Silent Treatment – Intimidation or withdrawal
Narcissists hate feeling exposed. If emotional manipulation fails, they might lash out in anger. Their rage is often disproportionate to what you’ve said, designed to silence you through fear. If they don’t explode, they may go the other way and give you the silent treatment—an equally calculated move that punishes you by cutting off communication.
Both responses are about control. Rage intimidates. Silence isolates. Either way, the narcissist avoids taking responsibility and leaves you confused, anxious, and off balance.
7. Hoovering – “I’ve changed”
If they sense they’ve gone too far and might lose you, narcissists will suddenly switch tactics. They’ll become apologetic, charming, and attentive. You’ll hear things like:
“I’ve been doing a lot of thinking.”
“You were right—I need to change.”
“Let’s start over. I really do love you.”
This is called hoovering—like the vacuum. They’re trying to suck you back into the dynamic, not out of love, but to regain control. The moment you soften, the cycle usually begins again.
Why They React This Way
All of these behaviours are rooted in the narcissist’s deep fear of being exposed. They have built their identity around being admired, envied, or feared—not around being authentic. Confrontation threatens their entire sense of self. So rather than owning up to mistakes, they do everything possible to twist the narrative, disarm the threat, and reassert their dominance.
It’s not about the truth—it’s about survival. Their emotional maturity is often stunted, meaning they lack the internal resources to self-reflect or genuinely change. Instead, they rely on manipulation, charm, and control to manage the people around them.
Protecting Yourself
If you’re dealing with a narcissist and have tried to call out their behaviour, recognise that it’s not your job to fix or explain their actions. Healthy confrontation relies on both parties being willing to listen, reflect, and grow. With a narcissist, that’s rarely possible.
The most important thing is to stay grounded in your truth. Keep a journal, talk to people you trust, and if necessary, limit contact or seek professional help. Understanding their tactics is the first step to breaking free from their grip.
Calling out a narcissist is like stepping into a psychological battlefield. They won’t meet you with accountability—they’ll come armed with denial, gaslighting, blame-shifting, and manipulation. But knowledge is power. When you understand their playbook, you take away their ability to confuse and control you. And with each step forward, you move closer to emotional freedom.
Check these out!
How Narcissists React to Being Called Out | 7 Toxic Responses to Watch For
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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