How Narcissists Use Pregnancy and Children to Manipulate and Control
How Narcissists Use Pregnancy and Children to Manipulate and Control
Mike Sullivan Narcissists and Parenthood: The Manipulation Behind Having Children
Narcissists do not see children as individuals with their own identities, emotions, and needs. Instead, they view them as mere extensions of themselves—tools to manipulate, control, and maintain power. Whether it’s a narcissistic man eager to get a woman pregnant or a narcissistic woman intent on carrying a partner’s child, their goal is never about love or family; it’s about securing control.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
The Narcissist’s Urge to Have Children Quickly
Did your narcissistic partner push for a baby soon after you met? This isn’t about love or commitment—it’s about securing their grip on you. A narcissist, whether male or female, often rushes into parenthood, regardless of how many children they already have or how many you have. They may frame this as a romantic gesture, making it seem like they are deeply committed to you.
For example, they might say:
- “I’ve never wanted children with anyone else, but with you, it feels right.”
- “I want a family with you because I know we are meant to be together forever.”
This rush into parenthood is not about building a family—it’s about ensuring that you become tied to them in a way that is difficult to escape.
The Male Narcissist and Pregnancy: An Act of Conquest
To a male narcissist, getting a woman pregnant is about power. They see it as the ultimate way to mark their territory and exert control. Many narcissistic men will refer to pregnancy in possessive, objectifying ways, saying things like:
- “I’m planting my seed.”
- “You’re the perfect mother for my child.”
- “Now you’re mine forever.”
Once the pregnancy is confirmed, their behaviour often shifts. If you’re still in the “Idealisation stage,” they might shower you with affection and attention, making you feel special. However, once they feel secure in their control, they may distance themselves, becoming cold, distant, or even unfaithful.
To them, you are just an incubator, a means to continue their lineage. The focus isn’t on the child; it’s on their own sense of power and dominance.
The Female Narcissist and Pregnancy: A Tool for Control
A female narcissist sees pregnancy as a way to secure devotion and control. They may manipulate their partner by saying:
They may insist on having a child even if their partner expresses concerns, making them feel guilty for hesitating. Once pregnant, they use the baby as leverage—demanding constant attention, expecting special treatment, and ensuring their partner remains trapped in the relationship.
- “Having your baby proves our love.”
- “Now you have to take care of me forever.”
If the relationship ends, the female narcissist will weaponise the child, using them to extract resources, punish their ex, and maintain control through custody battles or emotional manipulation.
Children as Manipulation Tools
Once a child is born, the narcissist’s true intentions become clear. The child is not a loved individual but a pawn in their game. Narcissists use children to:
- Keep You Trapped – They know that having a child together makes it harder for you to leave. You may tolerate their abuse longer, hoping to maintain a family unit.
- Control Your Actions – They may use the child as a way to demand your attention, time, or financial support.
- Manipulate Your Emotions – If you try to leave, they might say, “How could you break up our family?” or accuse you of being a bad parent.
- Triangulate & Create Drama – They pit children against you, making them feel guilty for loving the other parent. You may hear things like:
- “Mummy doesn’t love you as much as I do.”
- “Daddy is the strict one, but I let you have fun.”
- “Don’t tell Mummy/Daddy, but I love you more than they do.”
This strategy isolates the child from the other parent, ensuring that the narcissist remains in control.
The Narcissist’s Image as a Parent
Narcissists care deeply about how they appear as parents. They may put on a show in public, acting like the doting father or devoted mother, but behind closed doors, their priorities are clear.
If their child excels, they take full credit:
- “She gets her intelligence from me.”
- “He’s a natural athlete—just like I was.”
If their child struggles, they blame the other parent:
- “He’s failing school because you don’t push him hard enough.”
- “She’s not popular because you’re too strict.”
This is all about maintaining their fragile ego. A child’s success feeds their self-image, while a child’s failure is never their fault.
The Narcissist and Custody Battles
If you separate from a narcissist, expect them to use the child as a weapon. Some narcissists fight for full custody—not because they want to be a devoted parent, but because they want to punish you. Others walk away entirely, rewriting history to make themselves the victim.
Common tactics include:
- Claiming you are “bitter and twisted” for setting boundaries.
- Accusing you of “alienating the children” when you try to protect them from manipulation.
- Fighting for custody just to prove dominance, then neglecting the children.
If a narcissist loses access to the children due to legitimate safeguarding concerns, they will never take responsibility. Instead, they will tell everyone, “She turned my children against me,” or “The courts are biased against fathers/mothers.”
The Legacy of the Narcissist
Ultimately, narcissists see children as a way to extend their own legacy. They don’t view their child as an individual with personal dreams and ambitions—they see them as a reflection of their own greatness. If their child excels, it’s because of them. If their child struggles, it’s someone else’s fault.
Some common phrases narcissists use about their children include:
- “She gets her brains from me.”
- “He inherited my charm.”
- “Of course they’re talented—it’s in their genes.”
Children of narcissists often grow up feeling pressured to meet unrealistic expectations, constantly seeking approval from a parent who will never truly love them for who they are—only for what they represent.
Conclusion
A narcissist’s desire for children is never about love, commitment, or family. It is always about control. Whether they rush into parenthood to secure a partner’s devotion, use children to manipulate, or see them as mere extensions of themselves, their behaviour is rooted in self-interest.
Recognising these patterns can help you break free from the cycle of manipulation. If you share a child with a narcissist, protecting them from the emotional damage of triangulation, guilt-tripping, and blame is crucial. Stay firm in your boundaries, seek support, and remember—you are not alone.
Have you experienced a narcissist using children as a manipulation tool? Share your story in the comments to help others recognise the warning signs.
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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