How the Narcissist Treats the One After You (The Cycle Never Changes)
How the Narcissist Treats the One After You (The Cycle Never Changes)
Mike Sullivan How the Narcissist Treats the One After You
Watching a narcissist move on quickly can be deeply unsettling. It often looks as though they’ve suddenly found someone “better,” happier, or more compatible. In reality, the person after you is not experiencing something new or special. They are entering the same cycle — just at the beginning.
Narcissistic relationships follow a predictable pattern. The faces change, but the process does not.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
Love Bombing: The Illusion of Something New
The relationship with the new person usually begins with love bombing. This phase is intense and fast-paced. The narcissist showers the new supply with attention, compliments, affection, and promises of a future. Everything feels urgent and emotionally charged.
This stage creates the impression that the narcissist has changed. They appear attentive, emotionally available, and deeply invested. The new partner feels chosen, valued, and special.
What’s actually happening is image management. The narcissist needs admiration and validation to regulate their fragile sense of self. Love bombing is not about connection — it’s about securing supply quickly before cracks begin to show.
Devaluation: When the Mask Starts to Slip
Once attachment is established, the dynamic begins to shift. The narcissist no longer needs to impress — they need to control.
Devaluation often starts subtly. Compliments are replaced with criticism. Affection becomes inconsistent. Small digs, comparisons, and dismissive behaviour appear. The new partner may feel confused, wondering what they did wrong or why the relationship suddenly feels different.
This stage mirrors what you likely experienced. The warmth fades, tension increases, and emotional safety disappears. The narcissist may become irritable, distant, or demanding. Expectations increase while empathy decreases.
Devaluation is not caused by the partner. It happens because narcissists cannot sustain intimacy once the initial validation wears off.
Intermittent Reinforcement: Keeping Them Hooked
As the relationship becomes unstable, narcissists often introduce intermittent reinforcement. This means affection and approval are given unpredictably.
One day, the narcissist is warm and loving. The next, cold and withdrawn. This inconsistency creates emotional dependence. The new partner starts chasing the early version of the narcissist, hoping to “get back” to how things were at the start.
Intermittent reinforcement is powerful because it conditions hope. The occasional reward keeps the person invested, even as the relationship becomes painful. This is not accidental — it is a core feature of narcissistic dynamics.
Smearing the Old Supply
While bonding with the new partner, narcissists often smear previous partners. You may be described as unstable, abusive, jealous, or difficult. This serves several purposes.
First, it creates sympathy. The narcissist positions themselves as the victim who has finally found someone who understands them. Second, it lowers the new partner’s defences. Any future concerns they have are pre-emptively discredited. Third, it isolates the new partner from outside perspectives.
The smear campaign is not about you — it is about protecting the narcissist’s image and securing loyalty.
The Discard: When Supply Runs Dry
Eventually, the new partner begins to see patterns. Questions are asked. Boundaries are set. Emotional needs are expressed.
At this point, the narcissist often disengages. The relationship may end abruptly or slowly fade. Sometimes the narcissist lines up another supply before leaving. Other times, they disappear emotionally while staying physically present.
The discard is not always dramatic. It can look like indifference, neglect, or emotional withdrawal. The narcissist may frame the ending as mutual, necessary, or caused by the other person.
Just as before, accountability is avoided.
Returning to Old Supply
When supply runs low, narcissists often circle back. This is known as hoovering. Old partners may be contacted with apologies, nostalgia, or manufactured crises.
This does not mean they have changed. It means they need validation. The new supply may have failed to meet expectations, or the narcissist may simply be bored.
Returning to an old partner is often easier than building something new — especially if that person once tolerated mistreatment.
Why It Looks Better From the Outside
From the outside, the narcissist’s new relationship may look happy. Social media posts, public affection, and shared milestones create the illusion of success.
What you don’t see is the internal dynamic. The same manipulation, control, and emotional instability are playing out privately. Narcissists invest heavily in appearances because image matters more than reality.
Comparing yourself to the new partner is understandable — but unnecessary. They are not receiving something you were denied. They are receiving the opening act of the same cycle.
It Was Never About You
Narcissists don’t discard people because they find someone better. They discard people who begin to see clearly.
If you questioned inconsistencies, asked for accountability, or stopped accepting excuses, the relationship became unsafe for them. Awareness threatens control.
The person after you is not “winning.” They are earlier in the process.
The Pattern Is the Proof
The most important truth is this: narcissists do not evolve between partners. Without sustained accountability and deep psychological work, the same behaviours repeat.
New supply does not equal new outcomes. It equals delayed awareness.
If you were discarded, it does not mean you were inadequate. It often means you were perceptive, emotionally aware, or no longer willing to participate in distortion.
Understanding this allows you to stop looking outward and start reclaiming your own clarity. The cycle continues for them — but it can end for you.
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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