The Silent Treatment: How Narcissists Use It to Manipulate and Control
The Silent Treatment: How Narcissists Use It to Manipulate and Control
Mike Sullivan Narcissist and the Silent Treatment: A Manipulation Tool They Love to Use
The silent treatment is a favourite manipulation tactic of narcissists, used to exert control, punish, and destabilise their victims. For them, it’s not just about ignoring you—it’s a calculated move to maintain power and superiority in the relationship.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
When a narcissist comes home from work and ignores you, even when you’re just asking how their day was, it’s not because they’re tired or distracted. It’s because they perceive your actions as disrespectful to their needs. They believe you’re criticising their authority simply by expecting a basic level of interaction. While you, with your empathy, are genuinely concerned and trying to help, they view it as selfishness and an affront to their importance.
Why Narcissists Use the Silent Treatment
To a narcissist, the silent treatment is a game—a way to provoke and control. They ignore your questions, pretend to focus on something else (like the TV), and wait for you to react. They know you’ll try to get their attention, apologise for imaginary wrongs, or even blame yourself. This feeds their ego and reinforces their sense of power.
The silent treatment often starts small but can escalate to hours, days, or even weeks. Unlike someone who might withdraw to process genuine hurt, a narcissist uses silence deliberately to cause emotional pain.
How the Silent Treatment Affects Victims
For empathetic individuals, the silent treatment is devastating. It triggers feelings of rejection, confusion, and self-doubt. You might replay every interaction, wondering what you did wrong:
- “Did I forget to say goodbye this morning?”
- “Did I pack their lunch wrong?”
- “Was it something I said last night?”
This self-blame can spiral into anxiety and frustration, leaving you emotionally exhausted. Studies show that emotional pain, like the kind caused by the silent treatment, affects the brain as much as physical pain. Unlike a broken arm, which heals with time, the emotional wounds from silent treatment linger, eroding your mental health.
How Narcissists “Win” the Silent Treatment Game
Narcissists play an emotional game of chicken. They know you’ll eventually reach out to them, desperate for resolution. When you do, they feel victorious, having maintained their emotional detachment while you spiral.
Silent Treatment and Children
If children are involved, the narcissist may use the silent treatment to punish or control them as well. This can be deeply harmful to a child’s emotional development. To counter this, ensure your children are surrounded by positive influences. Validate their feelings, reassure them that they’re loved, and help them understand that the silent treatment is not their fault.
7 Things a Narcissist Wants When They Fall Silent.
Breaking Free from the Silent Treatment
The silent treatment is abuse when used manipulatively. To protect yourself:
- Recognise the Pattern: Understand that the silent treatment is a tactic, not a reflection of your worth.
- Don’t Chase Them: Refuse to engage in their game. Focus on your own well-being instead.
- Set Boundaries: Communicate that you won’t tolerate manipulative silence.
- Seek Support: Talk to trusted friends, family, or a therapist to process your emotions.
The silent treatment is a cruel and calculated tool narcissists use to maintain control. By recognising it for what it is and refusing to play their game, you can protect your emotional health and regain your sense of self.
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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