Why Narcissists Act Like Toddlers in Adult Bodies (And How to Handle Them)
Why Narcissists Act Like Toddlers in Adult Bodies (And How to Handle Them)
Mike Sullivan Narcissists Are Toddlers in Adult Bodies: 7 Ways They Prove It
Dealing with a narcissist can often feel like babysitting a toddler trapped in an adult’s body. On the surface, they may look mature, successful, and in control. But emotionally, they never grew up. Their behaviour mirrors the demanding, reactive, and self-centred traits of a small child who hasn’t yet learned emotional regulation. What makes it even harder is that while toddlers eventually grow out of this stage, narcissists don’t—they simply refine it, using manipulation and control tactics instead of toys and tantrums.
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
Let’s explore the seven key ways narcissists act like toddlers, and what you can do to protect yourself from their endless tantrums and sulks.
1. Tantrums When Told “No”
One of the clearest toddler traits in a narcissist is their explosive reaction to boundaries. Tell a toddler they can’t have sweets, and you’ll face tears, stomping feet, and maybe even a full-blown meltdown in the supermarket aisle. Narcissists aren’t much different. A simple “no” to their demands can trigger hours, days, or even weeks of sulking, silent treatment, or outright rage.
Boundaries feel like rejection to them, and rejection is unbearable. Rather than respecting your needs, they punish you for asserting them. This is why setting boundaries with a narcissist often feels impossible—you end up fearing the tantrum more than the issue itself. But much like with a toddler, consistency is the only way to manage it.
2. Constant Attention Seeking
Toddlers live for praise. “Watch me!” is their favourite phrase, whether they’re building a block tower or jumping off the sofa. They crave validation to feel secure. Narcissists are no different. They demand constant admiration, and if they’re not the centre of attention, they’ll create drama until they are.
It might come in the form of exaggerated stories, interrupting conversations, or stirring conflict when the focus drifts away from them. Just as a toddler might cry or act out when ignored, narcissists use sulking, jealousy, or theatrics to recapture the spotlight. Attention isn’t just wanted—it’s oxygen to them.
3. Refusing to Share
Sharing is one of the hardest lessons for children to learn. A toddler clutching their toy truck feels robbed when asked to hand it over, because possession equals power. Narcissists have the same mentality, but their “toys” are things like love, admiration, control, or even money.
If you succeed at work, they’ll feel like you’ve stolen their spotlight. If your friends admire you, they’ll act jealous or dismissive. In relationships, they may hoard affection and then withhold it to punish you. Sharing credit, praise, or resources feels threatening to them. Their mentality is simple: if you gain, they lose.
4. Throwing Toys Out of the Pram
When toddlers don’t get their way, frustration can lead to flung toys and stomped feet. Narcissists express this in adult form—slamming doors, shouting, sending angry messages, breaking things, or withdrawing into a sulky silence.
These outbursts are not about the specific issue (a meal choice, a late text, a disagreement). They are about control. By creating chaos, they force everyone else to tiptoe around them. The tantrum isn’t random—it’s strategic. It conditions you to avoid upsetting them, meaning they don’t even have to ask for control; they already have it.
5. Short Attention Span
Toddlers move quickly from one toy to another, leaving half-finished puzzles behind. Their focus shifts constantly because they crave novelty and stimulation. Narcissists have the same restless energy in relationships, work, and hobbies.
One minute they’re showering you with affection (love bombing), the next they’ve moved on or withdrawn, leaving you confused and hurt. Their inability to sustain genuine connection comes from boredom and entitlement. They’re always searching for the next source of admiration, the next “toy” to keep them entertained. Consistency and commitment rarely satisfy them for long.
6. Blaming Everyone Else
Ask a toddler who spilt the juice, and you’ll likely hear, “Not me! The dog did it!” Accountability is a skill learned over time, but narcissists avoid it at all costs. In their world, mistakes and failures are never theirs to own.
If a relationship fails, it’s your fault. If they lose a job, the boss was unfair. If they lash out, it’s because you provoked them. Blame-shifting is second nature to them because admitting fault threatens their fragile self-image. Like a toddler desperate to avoid a telling-off, they’ll point the finger at anyone else before acknowledging the truth.
7. Needing Constant Praise
Toddlers light up when you clap for their drawing or cheer for their first steps. That validation helps them feel safe and valued as they grow. For narcissists, however, the need for praise never ends. They expect admiration for everything they do—big or small—and react badly when it isn’t given.
If you forget to compliment them, they accuse you of neglect. If you praise someone else, they see it as betrayal. Narcissists don’t just want praise—they demand it, and when it doesn’t arrive, they sulk, rage, or withdraw. It’s as though their entire sense of worth is built on applause, leaving those around them exhausted from the constant need to perform.
Why They Never Grow Out of It
The difference between a narcissist and a toddler is growth. Toddlers eventually develop empathy, self-control, and accountability as they mature. Narcissists, however, remain emotionally stuck. Their early wounds, fragile ego, and deep insecurities prevent them from evolving. Instead, they polish these toddler traits into manipulative tools.
Whereas a toddler’s tantrum is innocent immaturity, a narcissist’s tantrum is calculated. It’s designed to punish, manipulate, and control the people around them. They don’t just act out of emotion—they act out of entitlement.
What You Can Do Instead of Babysitting
You can’t reason a toddler into maturity overnight—and you can’t change a narcissist. But you can change how you respond. Here’s how:
- Set firm boundaries: Be consistent with your “no.” Expect pushback, but hold your ground.
- Don’t feed the tantrum: Stay calm when they rage or sulk. Reacting gives them the attention they want.
- Recognise the manipulation: Understand that sulking, blame-shifting, and theatrics aren’t about love—they’re about control.
- Protect your peace: Limit contact where possible, or go no contact if the abuse escalates.
- Focus on yourself: Remember—you’re the adult in the room. Their behaviour isn’t a reflection of you, but of their emotional immaturity.
Final Thoughts
Living with a narcissist often feels like raising a toddler who never grows up. The tantrums, sulks, demands, and endless need for validation are exhausting, especially when you realise they’re not innocent like a child, but deliberate and manipulative.
Recognising these toddler-like traits is the first step to breaking free from their emotional control. Once you stop taking their behaviour personally and see it for what it is—immaturity dressed up as manipulation—you reclaim your power. Remember: you don’t have to babysit a grown adult. You deserve relationships built on respect, equality, and maturity.
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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