7 Ways Narcissistic People Create Circular Arguments That Go Nowhere
7 Ways Narcissistic People Create Circular Arguments That Go Nowhere
Mike Sullivan 7 Ways Narcissistic People Create Circular Arguments That Go Nowhere
Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling completely exhausted, confused, and wondering how the original issue somehow disappeared?
You started by trying to talk about something that hurt you. You explained your feelings. You tried to make your point clear. You hoped the other person would listen and understand.
But instead, the conversation went in circles.
The topic changed. Old mistakes were brought up. Your reaction became the focus. You found yourself defending things you never intended to discuss.
Hours later, you were no closer to a solution.
This type of communication is often described as a circular argument — a conversation that keeps repeating the same patterns without reaching understanding, accountability, or resolution.
In healthy relationships, disagreements can happen. People can have different opinions, misunderstand each other, or make mistakes. The difference is that healthy communication usually involves listening, taking responsibility, and finding a way forward.
With narcissistic or highly unhealthy communication patterns, arguments can sometimes become less about solving a problem and more about avoiding responsibility, maintaining control, or shifting blame.
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Here are seven ways narcissistic people may create circular arguments that go nowhere.
1. They Change The Subject
One of the most common patterns in circular arguments is the sudden change of focus.
You might bring up something specific:
“I felt hurt when you spoke to me like that.”
Instead of addressing the behaviour, the conversation moves somewhere else:
“But what about the time you did this?”
Suddenly, you are no longer discussing what happened. You are defending yourself against a completely different issue.
This can leave you feeling confused because you came into the conversation wanting resolution, but now you are explaining yourself, apologising, or trying to prove you are not the problem.
The original concern gets lost.
A productive conversation usually stays focused on the issue being discussed. When every concern becomes an opportunity to bring up something unrelated, resolution becomes almost impossible.
2. They Focus On Your Reaction Instead Of Their Behaviour
Another common pattern is when the conversation shifts from what happened to how you responded.
You might say:
“I was upset because you ignored me.”
The response becomes:
“You’re too sensitive.”
“You’re overreacting.”
“Look how emotional you are.”
Now the conversation is no longer about the original action. It becomes about whether your feelings are acceptable.
Your reaction becomes the problem, while their behaviour is avoided.
Of course, everyone is responsible for how they communicate, and emotions can sometimes become intense during conflict. But in a healthy relationship, someone can acknowledge your feelings while still discussing the issue itself.
If every concern you raise is dismissed because of your emotional response, important conversations never get resolved.
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3. They Rewrite What Happened
Circular arguments often involve disagreements about reality.
You may remember a conversation clearly, but the other person denies it, changes details, or presents a completely different version of events.
You might find yourself saying:
“That’s not what happened.”
“I remember the conversation differently.”
“I’m talking about what happened yesterday, not something else.”
Instead of discussing the impact of the behaviour, you become focused on proving the facts.
This can be incredibly draining because the conversation moves away from understanding and into a battle over whose version of events is accepted.
Over time, repeatedly having your experiences dismissed can make you question your own judgement.
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4. They Demand Endless Explanations
Another way conversations can become circular is through endless questioning.
You explain how you feel.
They ask for more details.
You explain again.
They challenge another part.
You clarify.
Then another question appears.
Eventually, you may feel like no answer will ever be enough.
A healthy conversation involves trying to understand another person. But when someone constantly demands more and more explanations without showing any willingness to understand, the conversation can become a never-ending loop.
You may start feeling like you are on trial rather than having a conversation.
5. They Turn The Issue Back Onto You
A common pattern in unhealthy arguments is blame shifting.
You might say:
“I felt hurt when you did that.”
The response becomes:
“Well, you hurt me too.”
Instead of acknowledging your concern, the focus immediately moves back onto you.
Now you are defending your actions, explaining your intentions, or trying to prove you are not a bad person.
This does not mean your behaviour should never be discussed. In healthy relationships, both people can take responsibility.
The problem is when your concerns are never allowed space because they are immediately turned into an accusation against you.
6. They Refuse To Accept Any Resolution
Healthy disagreements usually aim towards something:
Understanding.
A compromise.
An apology.
A change in behaviour.
But in circular arguments, every attempt at resolution can create another argument.
You suggest a solution.
Another problem appears.
You explain your point.
Another criticism follows.
You apologise.
The issue continues anyway.
Eventually, you may realise that the goal does not appear to be solving the problem. The conversation simply continues.
This can leave you feeling powerless because no matter what you say, nothing changes.
7. They Exhaust You Until You Give Up
One of the most damaging effects of circular arguments is emotional exhaustion.
After repeating yourself, defending yourself, and trying to be understood, you may eventually stop talking.
Not because the issue is resolved.
Because you no longer have the energy to continue.
You may think:
“What’s the point?”
“I’ll never get through to them.”
“I’m too tired to keep explaining.”
This is why recognising the pattern is so important.
Sometimes the healthiest response is not finding the perfect words that finally make someone understand.
Sometimes it is recognising when a conversation is no longer productive.
Breaking The Cycle
Healthy communication is not about winning.
It is not about proving who is right.
It is about two people being willing to listen, reflect, and work towards understanding.
If every disagreement leaves you feeling confused, drained, blamed, or questioning yourself, pay attention to the pattern.
You cannot force someone to communicate in a healthy way.
But you can learn to recognise unhealthy cycles, protect your emotional energy, and set boundaries around conversations that repeatedly go nowhere.
The most powerful step is sometimes realising that you do not have to keep walking in circles with someone who refuses to move forward.
Check these out!
Behind The Mask: The Rise Of A Narcissist
15 Rules To Deal With Narcissistic People.: How To Stay Sane And Break The Chain.
The Things Narcissists Teach Us About Ourselves: Finding Self-Worth, Healthy Boundaries, Healing & Freedom After Narcissistic Abuse Transform your pain into growth by rebuilding self-worth, strengthening boundaries, healing emotional wounds, and creating a life beyond narcissistic abuse.
A Narcissists Handbook: The ultimate guide to understanding and overcoming narcissistic and emotional abuse.
Boundaries with Narcissists: Safeguarding Emotional, Psychological, and Physical Independence.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: A Guided Journal for Recovery and Empowerment: Reclaim Your Identity, Build Self-Esteem, and Embrace a Brighter Future
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